F'ing with the Titans
by Jesse Susik
Summary: Its supposedley a normal day for the titans, but when they commense on thier newest mission, they come across what could bring the apocolypse to thier world ; the bros.


**Okay, now let me explain what this is. This is the 'fucking with' series that a friend and I created. It came to be when my bro (not brother, but best friend since the 3****rd**** grade) started talking about what we would do if we ever visited the Teen Titans. Like how we would mess with them, and all kinds of plot twisting humor. And so now, we do jokes like this on how to screw cartoon character's lives and video game character's lives as well. I am going to inform you right here and now that YES THERE WILL BE GAY JOKES, THERE WILL BE LOT'S OF BAD WORDS, THERE WILL BE EMO JOKES, AND YES, THERE WILL BE CERTAIN JOKES THAT INVOLVE THE WORDS SLUT, FAG, AND FUCK THAT.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

Fucking with the Titans.

It was a normal day at the Titans tower, well, slightly normal anyways. Little did the Titans know, they were going to get a visit from two whacky dudes from another dimension.

Scene 1

Everyone was doing their normal things in the Titan tower. Starfire was doing her weird thing with her pet. Raven was busy reading her books, Beast boy was playing a new video game with Cyborg, and Robin was monitoring the city surveillance, when suddenly.

Mraah! Mraah! Mraah! The Titan alarm sounded.

"Titans! Go!" Robin yelled.

All the Titans posed for a semi second and hurried to the source of the problem.

"Yo Robin! What we up against?" Cyborg asked.

"There's a slip space rupture in the park. We're going to go check it out."

"Whoa! That sound cool!" Beast boy said.

"Perhaps some snobflurgs are plorning?" Starfire said.

"I have no idea what you just said," Robin said, " But we're going to have to see what this thing is going to do."

"Hey Rae! What do you think is going to happen?" Beast Boy asked.

"An animal devouring monster will come through the portal and bite your ear." She replied in a monotone voice.

"aww…. Why'd you go and say that?" Beast asked gloomily.

"You asked."

The Titans finally reached their destination to be greeted by a large tear in the very being of the park.

"What the…" Cyborg began.

Beast Boy walked up to the portal and reached out to touch it. Just then, two pairs of hands popped through the portal and grabbed his ears.

"AHHHH! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!" He cried.

"Beast Boy!" Robin yelled. He reached in his utility belt and pulled out an extendable staff.

Then, the hands disappeared back into the portal.

Beast Boy ran behind Cyborg and cowered.

"That was nuts!" He yelled.

Then the blue tare started to glow really brightly, and in a blinding flash, two people popped out of it.

"Where are we?" Asked one of them.

"Hell if I know, looks like New York, but much less douchier."

"True that."

"Halt! Who are you!" Robin yelled from a distance.

"Huh?"Said one of the two. He was white, slightly big, and had long unkempt hair.

"Well, who are you?" Asked the other person. He was brown, thinner then his counterpart, had a cholo shave cut, and both of them wore black shirts and jeans.

"I asked first!"

"Uhh, no you didn't?" said the white one.

"What's with the tights?" Asked the brown one.

"Yea, are you guys the rainbow squad or something?"

"What? This is totally flexible, combat ready clothing." Robin yelled in frustration.

"And what's it made of?" asked the white guy.

"leather? Spandex?" said the brown guy.

"It doesn't matter! Now what are your names?"

"I'm Jess, and this is my bro ,Jay." Said the white one.

"Now who are you ?" asked Jay.

"We are the Teen Titans, And I need to know why you're here." Robin said as he approached the bros.

Jess leaned in towards Jay and whispered to him.

"Dude, check this out." He said while laughing a bit and he cleared his throat.

"We are here to Rape your women and your children so we may spawn an unholy, soul devouring army of Satan! And then we'll eat ALL YOUR PIZZA! Muahahaha!"

Beast Boy freaked out and changed into a mouse and scurried off into a hole in the ground.

Robin got into a battle stance and yelled.

"Titans! Go!"

"Go where?" Jay asked Jess.

"Fuck if I know, hey you hungry?"

"yea dude, totally."

Robin ran forward and tried to Bruce Lee kick Jay.

"Oh sweet! a quarter!" Jay said and bent down to pick it up, causing Robin to completely miss him.

"Dude! That guy tried to ninja you!" Jess told jay.

"That's not cool."

"I know right?"

Robin stood up from his fall to the ground.

"Your good!" He yelled, " But not good enough!" he began another charge at them.

"What crawled up his ass?" Jess asked Jay.

"I think they're pissed at your rape joke."

"Oh, maybe I should tell them that I was- ahh!" Jess started, when suddenly he was picked up by a black mass.

"Azarath-Metrion-Zenthos!"

"The Fuck? Hey! I didn't mean it!" Yelled Jess

"How can we believe you?" Cyborg yelled, readying his plasma cannon.

"Dude, just look at Jay! How can someone like that be evil?" Jess yelled

Jay was running through the park in panic because Beast Boy had changed into an eagle and began chasing him.

"Ahh! Get the hell away from me!" Jay screamed.

Beast Boy changed into a spider monkey and began charging at him.

"Get away from me you damn dirty ape!"

"Nice reference dude! " Jess yelled to Jay, then he looked at Cyborg, "See?"

"How is he afraid of that?" Raven asked.

"Maybe it's because he's green." Jess suggested sarcastically.

"You don't have to be smart about it." Raven replied.

"Now can you just let me go?" Jess asked.

"I suppose.." Raven said.

She then dropped Jess from the height she held him at, which was above the trees.

"Holy shiiiiiiiiit!"

Jess sprouted some demonic wings and lazily glided to the ground.

"Haha. I bet you thought I was going to splat." He joked.

"What the heck are those?" Robin asked.

"Oh these?," Jess said as he pointed to the wings on his back, "These are wings."

"I mean where did they come from?"

"My back. Really are you that retarded?" Jess asked.

"How did you do that? Are you a changeling like beast boy?"

"Who?" Jess replied.

"The 13 year old green thing chasing your friend." Cyborg said.

"You mean that thing that's changing into all those animals is a kid?"

"Yup."

"yo Jay! That things just a kid! He's like 10!"

"We said 13."

"Yea, but I said 10."

"Ummm, okay?"

"Is there a place to chill? I'm starving." Jess asked.

Just then Jay ran up next to him and began to catch his breath.

"I could really use a beer right about now…" He said.

"Me too." Said Jess.

"How did you open that portal up?" Robin began to ask.

"Ah ah ah ah," Jess said while shaking his finger, " I'm not saying a thing about it until I get food. Preferably some Zah."

"Yea dude." Jay added.

"Fine then, we'll get some pizza, but I want you two to stay at the tower with us, so we can keep an eye on you."

"You mean we'll get to stay at your place for free?" Jess asked.

"Uhmm, yea." Robin said.

"Excellent!" said the two bros in unison.

They turned to face each other and pounded their fist, then began playing air guitar and make noises.

"So where's the pizza hut?" Jay asked.

"What is this hut of pizza?" Starfire asked.

"It's a place to order pizza from." Jess said.

"We don't have one of those, but we do have a pizza restaurant not that far from here." Robin said.

After the newly acquainted group had eaten, they went to the Titan Tower to get situated.

"This place is sweet!" Jess said.

"Why thank you." Cyborg said happily.

"Dude, sweet couch." Jay said as he plopped down on it.

"So, where are we gonna crash tonight?" He added.

"We have several rooms that can accommodate you two." Robin said.

"Okay, I just ask this one thing, Do we have to have a room near that?" Jay asked as he pointed to beast boy.

"Huh? Do you mean me?" Beast Boy asked.

"Dude, It's talking again." Jay said to Jess.

Beast Boy got angry and jumped in front of Jay and proceeded to yell at him.

"Dude! I'm Beast Boy! I'm not an it!"

"Oh my bad," Jay said while digging in his right ear, " I forgot you're a 10 year old green thing that changes into animals."

Jess started to laugh, as did Cyborg.

Beast Boy morphed into a T-Rex and roared at Jay.

"Oh what! Is he 10 too?" Jay yelled at Beast Boy.

Jess and Cyborg were rolling around and laughing on the ground.

Beast Boy morphed back into him normal self.

"Shut up dude!" Beast Boy yelled, making his voice crack.

"Sounds like you're just hitting puberty!" Jay laughed.

"I'll beat the crud outta you!" Beast Boy yelled.

"Well bring it on you little green bastard!" Jay said back to him.

"Stop it you two!" Robin yelled

"Oh alright." Jay said coolly.

Beast Boy walked away with a red face.

"Good, now let me just show you two your rooms and we'll get on with you explaining how you opened that portal." Robin said.

"Rooms? There's no need for that dude. Me and Jay will bunk in the same room. That way, there'll be less room used up." Jess said.

"Fair enough." Robin said as he led the two to a large empty room with two bed's.

"Wicked!" Jay said in awe.

"Alright! This place is bigger then the apartment we had." Added Jess.

"Now that you know where your room is, explain to me how you opened the portal."

"Huh?" Jess said as he snapped back into reality, " I was just dazing there for a sec. What'd you ask?"

Just then the room began to flash red and was followed by an alarm.

"The fuck?" Jay yelled.

"What the hell is that?" Jess yelled.

"Trouble, let's go!" Robin yelled.

"Uhhh okay?" Jay said and looked at Jess. Jess just shrugged.

The two followed Robin to the main room of the Tower where the rest of the Titans were waiting.

"Yo Rob, What's the deal?" Cyborg asked.

"Robin jumped to the screen and pushed a few buttons on the key board. Up came a picture of a guy in black wearing a mask that was half painted.

"Slade." Robin said.

"Who?" Jess asked from behind Raven.

"Robin's arch enemy." Raven said.

"The dude has half a face." Jay said.

"Yea, he doesn't seem like a lot of trouble." Jess added.

"Don't let his looks deceive you. He's a very powerful villain. He always seems to get away from us when we're so close to capturing him." Robin said to the two, " He's in the park, let's go get him!"

"Okay, when do we start?" Jess asked while pressing his knuckles together.

The Titans all ran out the door and into a jet plane they had parked outside.

"There's only enough room for us. You two will have to stay here."

"who says we're riding in that?" Jess said as his demonic wings sprouted from his back.

"Yea." Added Jay as a set of angelic wings sprouted from him.

"That's just creepy, dude." Beast boy said looking at the two from inside the jet.

Robin ran into his chair and began the initiation check sequence.

"All systems are go." Cyborg said from his chair.

"Okay then, Titans Go!" Robin yelled.

The jet began to move and soon lifted off the ground, followed closely behind by the bros.

"Hey Jay!" Jess shouted to Jay.

"What dude?"

"I got a sweet joke for you!"

"Okay dude, hit me!"

"What kind of meat does a priest eat on Fridays?"

"I don't know bro, what?"

"Nun!"

"Hahahahaha!" Jay laughed uncontrollably, almost falling out of the air.

Jay regained himself and sprouted a hilarious idea.

"Hey dude!" Jay shouted to Jess.

"What?"

"Wanna mess with the green dude?"

"Ha! You know it!"

The two increased their height and when they got real high in the sky, they curled their wings up and zoomed down and caught up with the Titan's jet.

Jay landed on the left wing and motioned for Jess to do the same.

Jess nodded and landed beside Jay and looked at him.

"What's the plan?"

"Twilight Zone dude!" Jay yelled.

"Noice!" Jess responded.

The jet hit a cloud and Jay moved real close to the window Beast Boy was sitting at and pushed made a face and pushed it up against the window, making a loud thumping sound.

Beast looked at the window to see what had made the noise and saw Jay's 'scary' face.

"Ahhhh!" Beast Boy freaked out.

Jay quickly disappeared from the window when Cyborg walked next to Beast boy.

"What is it BB?" Cyborg asked.

"One of those dudes was just right here!" He responded in his crackling voice.

"That's not possible, this jet is way too fast for them to catch up." He assured his green friend. Beast boy sighed and looked back out the window.

Jess was on the tip of the wing, using his pyro powers to set sparks from it, and acted like her was tearing it apart. Beast Boy began to freak out again when the jet passed through yet another cloud.

"Ahh Dude! There they are again!" he yelled and pointed out the window.

"What are you crying about?" Raven asked.

"Those weirdos are totally messing up the jet wing!" He shouted.

"That's a negative. The systems show that everything is in top shape. Are you okay Beast Boy?" Robin said over the intercom.

The jet arrived at the park and landed safely on top of an old lady, but the Titans didn't care.

Slade was strolling through the park area, minding his own business when Robin tackled him.

"What are you doing Slade?" he demanded.

"Oh Robin.. I didn't expect you to be here." He replied. He kicked Robin off of him and stood up, dusting himself off, " Well, if you must know, there was a trans-dimensional tear here and two beings came through it. I'm here to harness that power." Just then, the bros landed on the ground next to Robin and Slade.

"Dude look! Its Deathstroke!" Jay said while pointing at Slade.

"Awsome! No wait.. that's not Deathstroke. He doesn't have a sword and he's not wearing the red n black suit."

"Oh yea, yea this dude is a poser." Jay said.

"I don't appreciate the way you two are talking about me." Slade retorted.

"Aww , you gonna cry to your mommy?" Jay teased.

"Baby go poo poo? He need his bah bah?" Jess added. Both of them started laughing.

"Are these two winged beings some new additions to the Titans?" Slade questioned Robin.

"Huh? Us? Hale naw! We're just crashing at their place until we go back through our portal to screw around with other people." Jess said.

"You are the ones who opened that portal?"

"Yep." Jay said.

"How?"

"Uhh I don't know. I just did." Jess said.

"How would you like to help me with world domination boys?" Slade suggested. Robin was behind him, shaking his head and his hands.

"I don't know….. I mean, we are staying at that cool tower thing." Jess said.

"And they have a sweet couch." Jay added.

"If you join me, I will give you the tower and you can keep all the couches in the world."

"Ummm…."

"Oh come on, you two aren't really considering this!" Robin nearly shouted.

" throw in all the Zah, booze, party and chicks and you got a deal." Jess said.

" Good, now come with me." Slade said, and began to walk off.

"alright! Partay at Slade's crib!" Jay shouted.

"Excellent!" Said the two bros in unison.

They turned to face each other and pounded their fist, then began playing air guitar and make noises.

"Oh wait! Can I say good bye to that hot goth chick first?" Jay asked.

"What? No!" Robin yelled at him.

"Damn, someones got a gerbil up his ass."

"Yea tell me about it."

The bros followed Slade to his hideout that is so secret the author doesn't know where it's at.

"This is your lair?"

"Yes, now tell me how you opened that portal."

"I just did."

"When?"

"Look, this is how I opened that portal," Jess explained, " I played an unholy riff on my guitar and then the portal opened. It's a power of mine."

"Yea, he totally rocked that riff." Jay added, " Those chicks were cumming over their heels for him."

"Yea, but you totally rocked those drums dude."

"Yea I know."

"Enough!" Slade shouted, " What must I do to get you too open that portal again."

"Sweet! Mental demands. Okay let me ask my advisor." Jess asked and turned to Jay.

"What should I ask for?"

"Dude, lets get some beer."

"Awsome idea. Oh and maybe some Lean too." Jess said.

"Yeah, and chicks, and pizza, and ever clear, and some smokes too. I kinda finished that pack with Eddie."

"Dude, he was cool."

"Hell yeah."

"Okay! Then that's what we'll ask for! You get all that dude?" Jess asked

" Why do you need all this?" Slade asked.

"It's essential for our portal opening powers."

"Yeah, and without that, you don't get world domination you silly Bondage fiend." Jay said and laughed.

**Alright, the bros are Fucking with the Titans now! And Slade! And incase you didn't know, Lean is a form of drug. I'm not going to tell you how to make it because that's unlawful and I don't want to spawn a lot of druggies. IT IS ILLEGAL. And did you notice all the referances from their past journies? If you don't realize what they are talking about, then maybe you should read their other memoirs of messing with other characters.**


End file.
